I
There was a moment when the pain was so overwhelming, I felt I was in a room (without walls) of darkness. There was a searching for an aperture, a doorway of light through which I could leave, in that moment I heard the voiceless voice speak, “It is only the body, the Other is always there.”
Then I was in the ambulance again with a sturdy West Indian woman saying to me, “You aint going no place.”
II
Lying in bed in the recovery ward there was witnessed a collective light,a ball of energy suddenly appearing, hovering for a fraction over the chest then it entered the body. I felt it lightening the heart and it evoked a smile.
III
Vulnerable and childlike I walked, taking the lift down to the ground floor, hearing music emanating from a piano I was moved in that direction. I saw the man in the old great hall playing, the piano was somewhat out of tune but it did not matter, gentle tears of gratitude for the haunting feeling evoked by the music rolled down my face.
IV
My real family is here and somewhere within there is a knowing it was to be this way and all the ifs are swept aside, it is time for the old name to die …
I was sleeping, and being comforted By a cool breeze, when suddenly a gray dove from a thicket sang and sobbed with longing, and reminded me of my own passion.
I had been away from my own soul so long, So late-sleeping, but that dove’s crying woke me and made me cry. Praise to all early-waking grievers!
Adi al-Riga